Just Married

This blog post shares personal information about my life, marriage, and relationships. Be forewarned in case you want to skip over it. ;)

Most of my close friends and family are well aware of the topic that I write about next, but perhaps some of those who only marginally know me may not be aware of major life changes that have transpired over this past year.

On July 6th of this year, yours truly got married at the Chapel in the Woods at Elvis Presley's Graceland in my birthplace of Memphis, Tennessee where my parents and many family members still live. It was a very beautiful wedding, and despite rumors, we were not married by an Elvis impersonator.

My beautiful bride's name is Jennifer.

Just over a year ago, I unexpectedly met this wonderful woman who I married last month. We discovered immediately within our first few conversations with one another that we "had the spark". We get along great in our companionship, never run out of conversation, and enjoy being with each other. We're greatly in love with one another and it has been as if we were two lost souls who have been searching for one another our entire lives.

Jennifer is originally from Mansfield, Texas. My wife is vibrant, funny, loving, fun and brings such joy and laughter into to my life. She makes me very happy and has taught me the true meaning of unconditional love. I recognize now that I never truly ever experienced this before with anyone else. I never experienced what it was like to be in a happy and healthy relationship that wasn't all dysfunctional, struggling, sad, chaotic, drama-filled, or wrong in some way. Jennifer loves me for who I am. Love is reciprocated between us. I finally feel it in my heart that all is right and there is this great sense of appreciation of being in a stable relationship for the first time in my life.

Just a few weeks before meeting Jennifer, I confess that I had given up on any hope that I would ever meet "the one" after so many previous relationship failures that I had undergone. I figured I would die a divorced old man living his life like a tired and rejected hermit.

I had previously been divorced after a difficult 20+ year marriage that struggled and was often unhappy throughout our time together behind the scenes and ultimately failed. I finally accepted it was time to leave when I realized it couldn't be "fixed", we were disconnected, both unhappy, and not living an authentic life. Still, I sincerely appreciate the two wonderful children we brought into this world together. I do hope my ex-wife has found or will find the happiness she desires.

After the divorce, I met other women as I tried to pick up the pieces and matters only got worse for me. I had my heart broken a few more times -- especially over two other women that I was dating. Both weren't right for me. One, who I was in a long-term relationship with, used me, viciously deceived me, took thousands of dollars from me, and then cheated on me with another man that I discovered when I walked in on them. The other person I only briefly dated, as we were friends for several years beforehand and we agreed to gently part ways after giving dating a try. We both recognized that we weren't meant for one another as a couple and decided it best if we would just remain friends.

And I'm not proud of this next part of my life after those two relationships and before meeting Jennifer, but then there were the many other women through online dating that I dated briefly over an 18 month span that I just never felt any sort of connection, spark, or real love for any of them. I felt numb and going through the motions of online dating. I don't think they felt it either and there is no love lost there. I felt horrible and very alone during that period. I'm not proud or happy with that experience and this time of my life, but it was something that I went through that ultimately led me to loving and especially appreciating Jennifer even more.

For me, I just didn't think I'd ever find true love. I never thought I'd ever re-marry again after all that I went through. I just didn't think I could ever "get it right."

Life is funny. I admit here to my reader that in one of my private prayers to God just a summer a year ago, I told Him after all the relationship problems that I went through, that I surrendered when it came to the matter of finding that special someone to love who I desired to love me authentically in return. Like I said, getting remarried just a year ago seemed like the farthest thing from what would happen. I asked God to place in front of me what He intended for me... and a few weeks later I met Jennifer. (Thank you, again, God.)

And yes, Jennifer and I clicked immediately.

Just over a year later, yes, I am very happy and in love. I'm a newlywed. Jennifer has helped me in my healing process and has helped love all of my pain away from my past. I can now move forward and enjoy life. For the first time since my teenage years, I truly feel happy and content with life. I feel at home. All feels right now. I have finally found the person that "gets me" and fully understands me, loves me unconditionally, isn't trying to use me in someway, doesn't treat me as second best, and who I truly enjoy spending my time together with. There is no walking on eggshells around her or worrying about some sort of Jerry Springer-like bullshit drama to happen at anytime like I did with some previous women that I dated these last few years.

I share this personal information to let all those know I finally feel at ease. This is cathartic for me to share. We are enjoying life together and we look forwards all of our days ahead. After the difficult previous years of my life, I thank both God and thank Jennifer that she is now at my side as my wife.

I think we have what it takes "to get through this thing called life."

VINYL RECORD COLLECTING: The Beatles - Abbey Road 50th Anniversary Set

I have to admit, I'm pretty excited that Beatles fans are about to get a 50th Anniversary Edition box set of Abbey Road in September. Released in September 1969, Abbey Road was the final album that John, Paul, George, and Ringo recorded together as a band, though Let It Be was later released.

For years and years, I've had my "favorite" Beatles album. I'd go through a Sgt. Pepper phase, or a Rubber Soul/Revolver phase... but I tend to listen to Abbey Road more than any other of their releases.

The new boxset is available for preorder on www.thebeatles.com and www.amazon.com amongst other sites. The album’s 17 tracks are newly mixed by producer Giles Martin (son of original producer George Martin) and mix engineer Sam Okell in stereo, high res stereo, 5.1 surround, and Dolby Atmos, accompanied by 23 session recordings and demos, most of which are previously unreleased.

Giles did an excellent job remastering The Beatles catalog in 2009 and over the past two years, has given us 50th Anniversary boxsets of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band and The White Album -- both are FAB and also include bonus unreleased tracks, studio outtakes and demos.

I'm sure the Abbey Road 50th Anniversary Edition with guarantee a splendid time for all.

New Addition to the Family

My studio partner and co-pilot of the Millennium Falcon apparently...

Meet C.C. (...stands for 'Cookies and Cream' like the colors of her fur coat).

She is a Labradoodle.-- 3/4 Poodle and 1/4 Labrador Retriever. She weighs 5 pounds and is 9 weeks old. She gets me up really really early in the mornings.

I already love her.

Revamping the Website -- The Soft Relaunch is Now

So, over the past few days, I've been restructuring and retooling my websites and online presence. It is nice returning and updating things.

For the past four years, I really haven't blogged at all here on Blogger. The last blog post was from 2015 that pointed to a link with an interview with yours truly that I conducted with my pal, Sean Taylor.  You can still read it.

As for my various websites (i.e., Thrill Seeker Comics, Bandito Entertainment, Scott McCullar, etc.), they sat dormant over the past 18 months or so.  I've been absent from updating my websites since releasing the THRILL SEEKER COMICS ARCHIVE VOLUME ONE that I was promoting on Kickstarter with a crowdfunding project that was successful. Life took some unexpected turns for me and I had my long lost weekend over the last few years, to borrow a coined term from Beatle John Lennon. I've been dealing with some personal matters in my life and keeping busy with other projects.

More on that later perhaps in another post about my personal goings on.

Things are groovy now in my life and I'm finding myself returning to some more of my creative passions and hobbies. I'll be sharing more in the future...

As for my website, I'm now moving scottmccullar.com and my other domain names to point here at Blogger where this blog is being retooled to be my singular website. For me, it makes sense economically as well as timewise and the ease at updating. I hope to update on various things, including THRILL SEEKER COMICS related pieces as I return to publishing just a bit. I will also post on my blog about other matters and interests. I will label updates for easy access -- especially if you just want to view certain topics and wade through the other pieces.

Consider this week a test run as I move domains over, etc., and get this spot ready to relaunch.

Thanks,
Scott

Restarting the blog and website

Hi, this is Scott. It has been over four years since I've updated my blog and two years since updating my personal website. I'm just going into the cyber-garage here to remove the cover off of this old vehicle in storage, turn the key to the engine, and try seeing if this still starts up and works. I'm looking to perhaps do something with this again and perhaps consolidate my domains to point over to here. Let me try this out...

Bad Girls, Good Guys, and Two-Fisted Action: "Shaft"ed -- Getting to Know Scott McCullar

Bad Girls, Good Guys, and Two-Fisted Action: "Shaft"ed -- Getting to Know Scott McCullar: Scott McCullar (or Shaft to some of his closest friends) has been one of my best friends for years, even years before we launched Shooting...

The one constant is change...

Has it truly been this long since I've blogged? Since 2011? 

Well, in that time, I made some major life decisions that began on June 1, 2011 when I decided to burn my written journal that I had been keeping for nearly 20 years. There were aspects of my life that felt incomplete... inauthentic... dreadful. I didn't want my children to one day find this book and read it. That was the impetus for me to burn it. I then reset my course, and tried to figure out a few things in my life. I had earned my black belt in karate and continued to practice. My work in comics as a writer and artist had been on hold since 2006. I just knew that I wanted to find direction, earn a graduate degree in order to help me in my profession by giving me the tools I needed to lead and hopefully help me earn better pay. 

In that time, I decided to go to graduate school where I earned my Master's Degree in Management and Organizational Behavior from the University that I am currently employed at as Manager of Marketing and Communications. When you're in that role and a spokesperson for the University, you really don't have the liberty to blog and just talk about any topic that you want in a forum like this as it would be picked apart and someone would worry that my opinion might reflect somehow on my employers. Not that I'm censored, but I have to watch just about anything I say and any social opinion that I want to express that may seem controversial or counter to the teachings, ideology, hallmarks, etc. etc. etc. It was easier to just not post a blog in order to "stay safe" in my job.

Somewhere there, while I was going to graduate school, things changed at the workplace, at home, and in the karate organization. Heck, things changed in my marriage and personal life. I realized that I had been living in a marriage that was inauthentic and disconnected. It felt that way to me and thus was MY reality. 

Don't get me wrong, I loved my wife and wanted this to truly be until death do us part, but I realized that the marriage had been dead along time before that going back to the first few years of it. I'm not going to sit here and tell you our dirty laundry out of respect and decorum. I know somewhere in there she loved me, but things were so dysfunctional between us. We separated in November 2012 after even she admitted were "17 years out of 20" of an unhappy marriage where we were divorced in October 2013 due to irreconcilable differences after technically 21 years of marriage, plus four years of dating previously to that, and the birth of two wonderful children. 

I'm still thankful for it all in those times and experiences. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It has made me who I am and where I am today. It wasn't all bad and ugly. There are parts of me that continue to miss her, but there are constant reminders that it wasn't healthy for either of us. 

I am sorry that my marriage failed, but it was necessary for us to both move on in order to live a more authentic life and find happiness. I want only the best for my ex-wife and friend. She is a wonderful mother. But we were terrible for one another as husband and wife. 

So, you see... life did throw me some curve balls since I've last blogged. A divorce. A graduate degree. I converted to Catholicism. And did I mention that I helped create a new karate organization with my fellow black belt pals? 

During the middle of going to graduate school, the karate organization that I was apart of had a falling out with the head sensei. It was truly too bad, because there were efforts made to patch things up and trying to fix things that did not happen. In the midst, a group of black belts decided it was time to leave this older organization and begin our own new karate organization where we shaped the mission, vision and values. It was probably one of the greatest things we did in continuously improving our art. But it too, was like a divorce in its own separation. 

I regret that in decision-making that concludes with parting of the ways between individuals... whether it was Shooting Stat Comics in 2006, the karate organization in 2011, or my marriage in 2012... it can be devastating to friendships and those you love. It is something that I have to live with and just pray that time will help heal. Forgiveness can happen. We can move on. 

The one constant is change. 

Change. I'm facing a world of change in my life right now. I wasn't forecasting this point in my life just five years ago when I earned my black belt in Yoshukai Karate. I'm in uncharted territory and I do not know where I will be a year from now or even five years from now. I'm sitting here in Daytona Beach, Florida right now as I write this. I'm on vacation with my two teenage children. This will perhaps be my last "hurrah" with my daughter as she is about to go off to college and enter adulthood. 

Change. I'm facing a world of change right now and it isn't anything I can blog about just yet. My cards are still being played close to my chest, but I am both excited and yet feel some anxiety that I must suppress and just let go. I must trust that I am taking the steps that I must now. And in this, I'm living a more authentic life, being the man I want to be, and I've unexpectedly learned to fall in love again during the midst of all of this. (Okay, I just showed a card).

Photo Album - Karate Photos

 Me in the Yoshukai Karate dojo testing our students with the other black belts.

 

 

 

My Karate Kid bow off the floor

I’ve been blogging on and off for over a decade now. At times, the things I write gets personal as I share some part of my life with the world out there. It feels like I’m venting into outer space. It is like placing a message in a bottle and you have no idea who in this world might read it. Someone you don’t know, perhaps YOU whom I’ve never met, reads some very personal matter in my life that most folks would keep to themselves and not share if they were normal folk.

You wonder sometimes if you will get a response back. Perhaps some message in a bottle floats right up to your own shore with a reply. But for me, I’m writing this right now to express my feelings and make sense of my thoughts.

I mean, how often are you told that it’s not good to put your business in the streets?

And here I am putting it out on the information highway.

Here is my message in a bottle today:

There is a part of me that grieves today, but at the same time, I’m going through a process of accepting change in my life and those of my children. I had to accept this change in order to keep healthy relationships with my family.

Five years ago, I returned to my study of karate after a seven year absence. At that time, my daughter joined me in the renewed venture. She went to the dojo with me night after night for a few years. It was helping her with her health and provided her mother and me with some comfort knowing that she could defend herself. She actually became very talented in her karate skills. At some point, all the demands of studying karate became too much for her as she progressed. She made a decision that she wanted to quit. As her father, feeling confident that she could defend herself under most circumstances, I was able to let her leave without much fuss. Sure, I encouraged her and tried to convince her to stay (mainly for the health reasons to stay fit), but I was unable to convince her. She had a mind of her own and was grown up enough to make her own personal decisions.

Almost four years ago, my younger child, also started karate. He was already very physically fit, but I saw that he needed the discipline and the ability to defend himself. I wanted him to also feel confident as he walked the halls at school if a bully should ever bother him that he would be able to take care of himself. I wanted to work on his character development, focus and discipline. As a father to a son, I wanted to help give him an edge to become a man.

Last night, he came to me with the notion that he wanted to quit karate. He has thought about this on and off for the last year, but last night, it was something he was sure about. My son was at a point that he was nearing a mile-marker where he would test for his brown belt. Over a year ago, I told him that for him to pass that test, it would be solely up to him if he wanted to earn that rank. He would want to have the desire and drive to practice his karate and train hard. It was up to him. Physically, he was there. Skill-wise, he was doing fine with his kata, sparring, self-defense, etc. But mentally (or emotionally), my son was not prepared to continue studying karate. His interests went elsewhere.

Karate involves the balance of mind, body and spirit. His mind pushed him and his body obeyed, but his karate spirit had left the journey. I appreciated the honesty and respect he showed in handling this maturely, but he let me know last night that he wanted to take an extended leave of absence from his karate training to pursue other interests in life that included baseball.

I love baseball. Don’t get me wrong. But I’m sad that my son won’t be going with me to the dojo to train any longer.

I could have forced him. There were times that I did in the past, but I knew last night, I had to let him quit and make up his own mind. I actually made him write an essay last night putting into words what he felt he learned from karate and explain why he was temporarily leaving. He did so and I know it was a difficult thing for him to do. But he did. He signed it and I’m keeping it for posterity.

Like his sister, he had a mind of his own and was grown up enough to make his own personal decisions.

He learned a lot from karate. I didn’t even have to read what he wrote. Still, it helped quantify it and keep it as a record for his future should he go back and re-read it one day. Maybe, hopefully, he will reconsider and relight that fire where he will want to study karate again.

Karate has helped shaped him into the young man he is now, but I know that I cannot force him to continue. It would damage our father-son relationship.

I see firsthand all the time how parents struggle with letting their kids quit from some sort of sport. The kids aren’t having fun, they have short attention spans, they want to play video games, they lose interest, they don’t like getting yelled at by coach, and they get embarrassed if they don’t score. Whatever the million reasons are. It is a part of life.

I had to ask myself if the decision to push him into staying in karate was going to be my decision or his, and then I realized at this point, this is his own journey and not mine. As difficult as this was for me, it was time to let him discover on his own what he wants to do, rather than me making the decision for him and pressuring him into becoming someone or something against his will. I led him to a point that he’s done well and I’m proud of him, but it is his decision.

I have to remember that this was difficult for him, too.

I studied karate from ages 12 to 17. I quit. I then studied karate from ages 26 to 29. I quit a second time. I returned. There is hope.

I was more mentally and spiritually prepared for karate as an adult and it was my body that has been tested to its limits. Karate, over the decades, has become such a huge part of my life that I can no longer separate it from my beliefs and what makes me tick. Karate is one of the major ingredients that make up the essence of my soul in who I am. It is more than punching or kicking. More than self-defense and feeling confident. It is so much more. Those that study budo arts and the philosophy understand.

Karate is much more than sport or a hobby. That was the thing that I’ve tried to instill into my kids. I still don’t know if it sunk in or not. I think perhaps the seeds were planted. We’ll see what happens in the future.

If anything, their time studying karate will have helped them in their own lives in some way and will have allowed them to perhaps understand their abnormal father just a little better.